We are different now. Some of us will regain our pre-illness selves, some of us have an unknown prognosis, some of us know we will never go back. For the moment, all of us are changed from our old selves.
I think of the fountain above as my old self. I think of the fountain below as my new self. Or visa versa, it really doesn’t matter.
Just as these are both beautiful and different fountains, in both incarnations I am a useful, valuable person. I just do things a little differently these days. Well, yes OK, some things I might do a LOT differently. So might you.
It is easy to feel hopeless, useless, incompetent and a whole host of other negative words when we face chronic pain or fatigue/lethargy. When we have to set aside time to self-manage our health we may feel guilty because we are not doing other things friends or family may think we should be doing.
Look at the fountains more closely. One shoots water into the sky using, I imagine, quite a lot of pressure to achieve the height. The second fountain does the complete opposite: water gently falls from many small outlets. In both fountains the water is successfully circulating through the system. Both fountains bring pleasure to visitors. Birds stop and drink. Grass grows around them. So it can be with all of us.
Yes, we are different now. With the right support and guidance we can live a meaningful life, despite the pain and/or the fatigue.
Most of the normal people around you will not understand, especially if you have no visible evidence of illness. No-one can see my friend’s cancer tumor. No-one can see my fatigue. No-one can see the pain another friend suffers from fibromyalgia, This was brought home to me personally this week, when I was diligently recording the calories in a mini muffin at a work birthday afternoon-tea. “Oh”, my colleague said, “you can work that off in five minutes, don’t worry about it!” No, I can’t work it off in five minutes because I can no longer do that level of exercise. Yes, I do a lot of exercise, but gone are the days when I could eat anything I liked. Because I don’t look sick, people don’t comprehend the self-management we need to adhere to in order to live the lives we want. We cannot expect people to “get it”, but we can set appropriate limits.
We are still beautiful fountains. We just function a little differently these days.