We Are Not All The Same

This article is for family, friends and colleagues of chronic illness patients. Maybe even for some of the newer patients among us as well – it takes a while to learn the ropes.

Many diseases/conditions are very different from one person to another. If you have a family member with rheumatoid arthritis, for example, and you meet a new co-worker with rheumatoid arthritis, they may have very different symptoms and daily life challenges. Just because one patient can walk and weight lift does not mean another can. Another patient may be using a walker. Same disease, different outcomes.

This can be for any number of reasons, depending on the disease, but here are few possibilities:

• How long have each of the patients had the disease?
• How far had the disease progressed before the patient was diagnosed?
• How effective are their medications for THEM?
• Have they been able to persist with physical therapy, if appropriate for the disease?
• Does one patient have multiple conditions and the other only one condition?
• If one works and the other doesn’t, the working patient may struggle to find energy to care for themselves.

The number of times I’ve heard people say to patients something along the lines of, “My aunt has xyz disease just like you and she can do way more than you can. Have you tried abc (insert any popular supplement here) supplement?”

Although I still do a few casual hours, I retired (see article linked above) in 2022 because working, even reduced hours, just left me absolutely wrecked at the end of the day. I had no energy left to look after ME!

Many of these diseases are progressive – that is, they do more damage the longer we have the disease. Many medications can slow or even stop the progression, but not necessarily for all people. We don’t all have the same outcomes from the same medications. For most of the diseases I am considering in this article, the medications don’t undo existing damage, so if we are diagnosed later than optimal, we may be stuck with the damage already done up to that point.

If patients have more than one condition (and SO many of us do) those conditions can interact. For example, back in 2014 when I first began treatment, my rheumatologist would not treat me for his specialty until the endocrinologist got my thyroid under control.

Some patients may have more than one condition that results in fatigue, so they may be “doubly” fatigued.

I’ve written before about Invisible Illness. Just because one patient doesn’t look sick (in your view) doesn’t mean they aren’t. I don’t look sick, most of the time, but another patient with exactly the same clinical diagnosis could be using a walker. I have a friend with MS – he still works and drives. I knew another MS patient many years ago who could no longer speak and was in a wheelchair.

Many of us have researched our condition/(s) to the nth degree. We probably have a team of specialists and allied health practitioners looking after us. For example, I have:

• GP (general practitioner for overseas readers)
• Rheumatologist
• Gastroenterologist
• Ophthalmologist (every two years only)
• Neurosurgeon (new)
• Sleep Specialist
• Cardiologist (although haven’t seen him for years, no need)
• Dermatologist (also haven’t seen him for years as the meds have the skin covered as well)
• 2 x Orthopaedic Surgeons (they each do different bits)
• Physiotherapist
• Myotherapist
• Exercise Physiologist

I feel like I’ve forgotten one, but you get the idea.

Yes, we may recommend practitioners to each other if another patient asks.

All I ask is that people not expect us to be the same as anyone else they know with the same condition/disease. We pretty much won’t be. Of course, given the global population and the number of people with chronic illnesses, there will be some that are very similar in presentation. Read Will Society Adapt? When? How? for some numbers. It is quite shocking, really.

Each of us will be different. Please don’t make assumptions.